The Whole Man Journey: Embracing Positive Masculinity and the Power of Vulnerability – The Career Changers
Positive Masculinity Common Questions Answered
In today’s world, what can be defined as positive masculinity versus what is called toxic masculinity?
I like to use the terms healthy and unhealthy masculinity. I’m not a big fan of the term toxic masculinity, and I know it got a lot of traction recently. But for me, in a simplified form, unhealthy masculinity comes from a place of either or thinking.
The examples I like to use is, either I can be a breadwinner or I can be a caregiver. Either I can be strong and independent as a man or I can share that I’m struggling and ask for help. When I think about healthy masculinity, it comes from a place of both. So it could be, that I can be a breadwinner and a caregiver. I can be strong and independent and also be vulnerable and know that sometimes I don’t have it all figured out.
What are some common stereotypes or misconceptions about masculinity that need to be challenged?
A lot of it falls into what we call “man-box thinking”. This concept has been around for a while. It’s things like “As a man, you should always win”. You should never show weakness, never show emotion, always win and strive and never fail. And the list goes on and on. That kind of thinking makes men feel as if they can’t show up as themselves. That’s part of the myth we need to get rid of and move away from.
What does it mean for a man to be vulnerable?
One of the greatest gifts I’ve gotten in this journey that I’m on is that it’s going to vary for each person. So I let go years ago of trying to find one all-inclusive definition of it. But what I’ll say is for myself, it includes the willingness to look at who I am and own that, being willing to share that with others, and most importantly, not hiding behind a mask. What I think others want me to see or want me to be.
Career Change – From the Marine Corps to Executive Coaching
“I loved the time I was in the Marine Corps. But we would be deployed into different places around the world more frequently and the deployments were lasting longer. I’d set a couple of goals for myself when I went into the Marines and I’d already achieved them. I realized I was getting tired of missing family events like birthdays or holidays or weddings and things like that. And I just decided I’ve done the things I wanted to do and it’s time to move on and try something new. And so that was really at the core of my decision to get out of the Marines”.
Impact of Vulnerability on Relationships and Success
I believe that vulnerability is the gateway to deep connection. And that was the core theme of my talk when I did a TED talk back in 2017.
By working with many leaders I have noticed that when they bring a certain level of vulnerability, it creates more trust and connection. Ultimately, it helps them become more effective and have a greater impact. When I think about leaders that have had the most impact on me, they’re the ones that have been willing to bring some vulnerability.
And I think that’s a key piece is that we also need to get rid of this idea that people have that vulnerability is a weakness because when you ask people if someone shares something important or vulnerable to you, how do you feel? Most people will feel proud or appreciate the trust me. But then we ask, what stops you from being vulnerable? People often say that they don’t want to be judged as being less than or not enough. And so we need to pull that apart and help people recognize that. Vulnerability it is a strength and we’re really good at seeing it in others, but not seeing it in ourselves.
Positive Masculinity vs. Unhealthy Masculinity
“When I left the Marine Corps, I went into construction doing project management, which I say was a job that fit my skills but didn’t feed my soul. And in both the Marines and in construction, I did well in the jobs that I did. But I also felt like I could only bring a part of myself.
I was being exposed to a very narrow version of what masculinity could be in both of those careers. And so I wanted to discover what masculinity meant for me. Another thing that’s kept me focused on this work is that I have a teenage daughter and I want to make sure that I’m leaving the world a better place for her”.
The power of vulnerability in relationships and at work
“Vulnerability is the gateway to deep connection. I’ve worked with and for a lot of leaders. One of the things that I see is that when those leaders bring an appropriate level of real vulnerability, it creates more trust and connection. It helps them become more effective and have a greater impact. When I think about the leaders that have had the most impact on me, they’re the ones that have been willing to bring some vulnerability”.
Buy Christoper Veal book The Whole Man: Evolving Masculinity
Feeling inspired? Read more career changers stories.
Discover more from The Career Changers
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.